Useful strategies to dealing with difficult people

Ever encountered someone who frustrates you so much that you feel like you want to pull your hair, jump around the room and just scream out loud? You're not alone.

Years ago, I used to get bothered and worked up over such situations. I'd think, "Why are these people being so difficult?"

After a while, I learned that these people are everywhere. No matter where you go, you can never hide from them. Sure, it might be possible to avoid the 1st one or two difficult people, but how about the 3rd, 5th, 10th person you encounter?

So rather than turn to some drastic decisions each time, why not equip yourself with the skills to deal with them?

Here are some tips which I've found to work in dealing with such people:

1. Be calm

Losing your temper and flaring out at the other person typically isn't the best way to get him/her to collaborate with you. Unless you know that anger will trigger the person into action and you are consciously using it as a strategy to move him/her, it is better to assume a calm persona.

Someone who is calm is seen as being in control, centered and more respectable.

Would you prefer to work or live with someone who is predominantly calm or someone who is always on edge?

When the person you are dealing with sees that you are calm despite whatever he/she is doing, you will start getting their attention.

2. Understand the person's intentions

I'd like to believe that no one is difficult for the sake of being difficult. Even when it may seem that the person is just out to get you, there is always some underlying reason that is motivating them to act this way. Rarely is this motivation apparent. Try to identify the person's trigger:

What is making him/her act in this manner?

What is stopping him/her from cooperating with you?

How can you help to meet his/her needs and resolve the situation?

3. Get some perspective from others

In all likelihood, your colleagues, and friends must have experienced similar situations in some way or another. They will be able to see things from a different angle and offer a different take on the situation.

Seek them out, share your story and listen to what they have to say. You might very well find some golden advice in amidst of the conversation.

4. Let the person know where you are coming from

One thing that has worked for me is to let the person know my intentions behind what I am doing. Sometimes, they are being resistant because they think that you are just being difficult with them.

Letting them in on the reason behind your actions and the full background of what is happening will enable them to empathize with your situation. This lets them get them on-board much easier.

5. Build a rapport

Re-instill the human touch by connecting with your colleagues on a personal level.

Get to know them as people, and not colleagues. Learn more about their hobbies, their family, their lives, and foster strong connections.

6. Treat the person with respect

No one likes to be treated as if he/she is stupid/incapable/incompetent. If you are going to treat the person with disrespect, it's not going to be surprising if he/she treats you the same way as well. As the golden rule says, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

7. Focus on what can be actioned upon

Sometimes, you may be put into hot soup by your difficult colleagues, such as not receiving a piece of work they promised to give or being wrongly held responsible for something you didn't do.

Whatever it is, acknowledge that the situation has already occurred.

Rather than harp on what you cannot change, focus on the actionable steps you can take to forward yourself in the situation.

8. Ignore

If you have already tried everything above and the person is still not being receptive, the best way might be to just ignore. After all, you have already done all that you can within your means.

Get on your daily tasks and interface with the person only where needed. Of course, this isn't feasible in cases where the person plays a critical role in your work - which leads us to our last tip.

Try out these tips for the difficult people you face and see how they work out for you.

Credit: Celestine Chua